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”Big Spender — Can I Trust Him with the Wallet?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

My husband told me before we married that he used to have a problem with credit cards, running up a big debt. In our five years of marriage I have managed our money. Now he wants a credit card. He says he can handle this, but I have nightmares about him running us into debt. We fight over this and I need to know if I should to support him on this?

In the Red

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Red:

I can appreciate your concern about your husband’s irresponsibility and I hope he has indeed gained control over his spending. One option would be to agree to get him a credit card but put a limit on the card that is in line with your budget — that way he will not be able to run up an unmanageable debt. This may not necessarily solve his spending problem if he still has one, but it could surely solve your problem.

”Yelling — How Can I Stop?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I’m the typical stressed out, overworked mom. My husband is a great father, breadwinner and helps around the house. My problem is that I yell at the kids (ages 3 and 7). I try not to but I usually end up cussing at them for not doing this or that. How can I keep my cool?

Too Much Yelling

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Too Much:

There is little one can do to resolve an emotional outburst such as yelling until the cause of one’s stress is identified. Being overworked and underpaid is not an excuse to be constantly frustrated.

Invariably when parents yell at their kids, it is not really the youngsters that the adults want to yell at. Typically, there is something in their life that is making them unhappy or dissatisfied — their job perhaps, possibly their relationship with their spouse, or it could be a lack of parenting skills.

Some parents in this predicament have been pleased with their choice to seek professional assistance and/or to find a source from which they could learn some good parenting skills.

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this weekly column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Extra articles and additional Q & As may occasionally be posted in response to specially requested topics. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

”’Email your questions to mailto:DrGelbSays@hawaiireporter.com More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”’ http://www.DrGelbSays.com

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