Atomic Monkey: Vili The Warrior Charged With Wonder Concert Debacle

Vili appeared shocked by the accusation.
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Vili appeared shocked by the accusation.

After a marathon secret meeting of University of Hawaii President Marcie Greenwood and the school’s Board of Regents yesterday, it was determined that the recent debacle involving a fundraiser for the U.H. Athletic Department was mishandled by the team mascot Vili the Warrior.  The fundraising concert was supposed to feature Stevie Wonder, but collapsed when money for the contract went missing. Last week U.H. administrators released Vili as the school mascot without elaborating on the reasons.

“I didn’t even know that we paid him,” said U.H. President Greenwood. “I’ve never attended a school sporting event, so I didn’t  know who he was.”


Vili was unavailable for comment, but a close friend said the bogus accusation of wrongdoing by the large, entertaining Tongan was not unexpected.  ”They’ve been trying to get rid of him for years, and this was an opportunity to cover their own butts at the same time,” said Vili’s friend, who requested anonymity. “Shit rolls downhill around here,” he added.

U.H.’s Greenwood said that she would prefer a dancing taro leaf as the new mascot and offered sketches of the proposal.

There was little other information available from the secret meeting of the U.H. Administrators other than the fact they would divide a $200,000 stipend to offset the inconvenience of the unscheduled meeting.