Sum Dum Goy
Honolulu’s City Council recently took time away from other pressing problems, like dilapidated water lines, sewer breaks, rail transit and a looming budget deficit, to reprimand national talk show host Rush Limbaugh for what it deemed politically incorrect activites.
Last weekend Rush was heavily criticized for an outburst of fake Chinese dialect.
Many found this exercise to be a monumental display of hubris and a complete waste of time, but the Councilmen defended their actions.
“The people look to us to tell them what is acceptable,” said recently elected Councilman Tom Berg. “How do they know what is allowable speech if we don’t tell them and enforce our rules?”
Berg, a Tea Party member and supporter of Rush Limbaugh, voted with the majority for the punitive measure anyway. “I’m new here, so I’m still kissing a lot ass.” said Berg, in a moment of complete candor.
The Council not only passed a resolution calling for Limbaugh to appologize, but also used the opportunity to review and evaluate other public speech that involved racial stereotyping.
“This thing has been going on in Hawaii for too long,” said Councilman Romy Cachola. He was particularly offended by Frank Delima’s impersonation of Imelda Marcos. “There’s nothing funny about a fat, unshaven Portagee in a dress.” insisted Cachola.
Another local comedian to earn a Council condemnation was Mel Cabang. After being shown a recent commercial where the actor plays a tribal chief with a bone in his nose, spouting gibberish, the council unanimously voted to issue an immediate arrest warrant.
The Council said they went after local comedians to show that this wasn’t just another “anti-mainland Haole thing.” Councilwoman Kobayashi said, “It’s important that we not be accused of being politically motivated, anti-caucasian, left-leaning numbskulls oursleves, but we are human so there’s a little of that too.”
Next week the Council will widen the scope of its investigation and take up the case of Sidney Toler, a caucasian actor who played Chinese detective Charlie Chan in the 40′s. “We need to look back and ‘clean up some of our history’ so people don’t get the wrong idea,” Said Councilman Chang. “His accent was terrible…an obvious goof on all Chinese.”
The City Council should be commended for this bold action to limit our ability to express ourselves, curtail free speech and enforce only “appropriate,” state-sponsored humor.
“With the blocking of shows like SNL, the comedy channel and certain offensive internet sites people will be much more productive and it will directly impact our economy,” said Councilman Anderson, as he submitted his new bill for comprehensive media censorship which he calls the “blandness doctrine.”
“People don’t need to be distracted with things that they don’t need to be distracted about,” concluded Anderson…ironically.