“Suzanne Gelb Image”

Dear Readers:

”’Continuing with Part Two of the three-day series in this column adapted from my article “Understanding Hypnosis and Its Clinical Efficacy,” today’s segment addresses the relationship between hypnosis and behavior change, whether hypnosis can work for everyone, and research data on the effectiveness of hypnosis.”’

“Behavior change. Many people have difficulty substituting new behaviors for existing habits. This is because the new behavior often conflicts with a person’s frame of reference, which is embedded in the subconscious. The subconscious sends a message to the conscious mind: ‘That’s wrong, that’s not what we do.’ Because the conscious mind uses this subconscious reference as its guide, it heeds the message and overrides attempts at change.

“Change is facilitated by subduing the conscious mind and reaching the subconscious to instill a new suggestion (an idea that is presented to the mind to be carried out either immediately or at a future date). The hypnotherapist appeals to the conscious mind to rest and take no immediate responsibility. This tends to inactivate the conscious mind, preventing it from disputing the suggestion (this is similar to a spell-check feature of a software program — if it is turned off, it does not function). The subconscious records the new information and acts upon it.

“Assessment. ‘Can hypnosis work for everyone?’ is a question asked by many. Those who choose to be receptive usually are, if appropriate conditions are arranged, such as a safe, comfortable setting, where an appeal can be made to the personality that it is worthy of change. Because people respond to hypnosis differently, application of a susceptibility test is useful. This allows the clinician to unobtrusively assess susceptibility, and derive feedback that can be used to individualize treatment.

“In addition, when clients experience positive results from these tests, the conscious mind tends to be more cooperative. Based on his research published in the American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis (Vol. 37, No. 4, 284-293, 1995) Ronald Pekala, Ph.D., concludes that the application of a hypnotic assessment procedure can be helpful in the private practice setting. He also notes that ‘… it seems that most therapists do not complete an assessment of hypnotizability level’ (p. 284). Because of the importance of tailoring treatment to individual needs, it is recommended that susceptibility tests be used in clinical settings.

“Research. Studies show that hypnosis has been used to effectively treat a variety of disorders including phobias, anxieties, addictions, and pain. ‘It’s an excellent way to mobilize a patient’s resources to alter physical sensations, moderate stress reactions and other psychiatric symptoms, and enhance emotional sensitivity’ says David Spiegel, M.D., Professor and Associate Chair of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine (The Harvard Mental Health Letter, September 1998, p. 5). According to Edward Frischholz, Ph.D., President of the APA’s Division 30 (Psychological Hypnosis) ‘research shows … that smoking-cessation treatments using hypnosis are twice as effective as treatment without hypnosis, and patients require much less pain medication during invasive medical procedures when using self-hypnosis’ (APA Monitor, May 1998, p. 22).”

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

Dear Readers:

”’Despite much apparent skepticism about hypnosis, when properly utilized hypnosis can be a powerful resource. Over the next three days I would like to share with you an article I wrote several years ago on hypnosis. Titled “Understanding Hypnosis and Its Clinical Efficacy” the article attempts to eliminate some of the stigma about hypnosis. Part One below addresses questions that have been posed about hypnosis, definitions of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, and some of the mechanics of hypnosis.”’

“Many Americans are skeptical about hypnosis even though it is endorsed by the American Psychological Association (APA), the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Dental Association as a legitimate treatment method, and it is well represented in the scientific literature. This article addresses facts and myths about hypnosis and discusses its clinical efficacy. It is my hope that clinicians and educators will find this information useful to eliminate the stigma that has prevented many from benefiting from this powerful resource.

“During the past 12 years that I have been practicing hypnotherapy, clients, colleagues, and allied professionals have asked certain recurring questions of me. These include:

*What is hypnosis?

*How does hypnosis work?

*Can hypnosis resolve habit problems?

*Does research support the efficacy of hypnosis?

*Does hypnosis work for everyone?

“Hypnosis and Hyponotherapy defined. Merriam-Webster (1994) defines hypnosis as ‘a state that resembles sleep but is induced by a person whose suggestions are readily accepted by the subject.’ Hypnotherapy is defined as ‘psychotherapy that facilitates suggestion, reeducation, or analysis by means of hypnosis.’ It is important to clarify that psychotherapy is the discipline, and hypnotherapy is the modality by which therapeutic results are achieved.

“Hypnotherapist defined. According to the U.S. Department of Labor’s Dictionary of Occupational Titles (1991), a hypnotherapist ‘induces hypnotic state in client to increase motivation or alter behavior patterns. Consults with client to determine nature of problem. Prepares client to enter hypnotic state by explaining how hypnosis works and what client will experience. Tests subject to determine degree of physical and emotional suggestibility. Induces hypnotic state in client, using individualized methods and techniques of hypnosis based on interpretation of test results and analysis of client’s problem. May train client in self-hypnosis conditioning’ p. 70.

“Mechanics of hypnosis. Based on research and clinical application, I have found that an effective way to explain hypnosis is to review the workings of the conscious and subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the rational aspect of the mind, and is responsible for sanctioning behavior. It will not allow a person to adopt a new behavior unless it is consistent with that person’s frame of reference (i.e., attitudes accumulated from birth through adulthood). For example, the conscious mind will not sanction somebody biting an onion and eating it as if it were an apple. With hypnosis however, the conscious mind can be subdued, thereby rendering the subconscious amenable to the suggestion that ‘the onion is really an apple.’ The subconscious registers this suggestion and accepts the apple concept as the dominant message. The initial reality of the onion is subordinated as a less significant memory, and the subconscious is reeducated. Utilizing hypnosis, the conscious mind, which is essentially a gatekeeper, is by-passed, providing access to the subconscious, which functions as a dependable workhorse that obeys instructions.”

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

Dear Readers:

”’Despite much apparent skepticism about hypnosis, when properly utilized hypnosis can be a powerful resource. Over the next three days I would like to share with you an article I wrote several years ago on hypnosis. Titled “Understanding Hypnosis and Its Clinical Efficacy” the article attempts to eliminate some of the stigma about hypnosis. Part One below addresses questions that have been posed about hypnosis, definitions of hypnosis and hypnotherapy, and some of the mechanics of hypnosis.”’

“Many Americans are skeptical about hypnosis even though it is endorsed by the American Psychological Association (APA), the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Dental Association as a legitimate treatment method, and it is well represented in the scientific literature. This article addresses facts and myths about hypnosis and discusses its clinical efficacy. It is my hope that clinicians and educators will find this information useful to eliminate the stigma that has prevented many from benefiting from this powerful resource.

“During the past 12 years that I have been practicing hypnotherapy, clients, colleagues, and allied professionals have asked certain recurring questions of me. These include:

*What is hypnosis?

*How does hypnosis work?

*Can hypnosis resolve habit problems?

*Does research support the efficacy of hypnosis?

*Does hypnosis work for everyone?

“Hypnosis and Hyponotherapy defined. Merriam-Webster (1994) defines hypnosis as ‘a state that resembles sleep but is induced by a person whose suggestions are readily accepted by the subject.’ Hypnotherapy is defined as ‘psychotherapy that facilitates suggestion, reeducation, or analysis by means of hypnosis.’ It is important to clarify that psychotherapy is the discipline, and hypnotherapy is the modality by which therapeutic results are achieved.

“Hypnotherapist defined. According to the U.S. Department of Labor’s Dictionary of Occupational Titles (1991), a hypnotherapist ‘induces hypnotic state in client to increase motivation or alter behavior patterns. Consults with client to determine nature of problem. Prepares client to enter hypnotic state by explaining how hypnosis works and what client will experience. Tests subject to determine degree of physical and emotional suggestibility. Induces hypnotic state in client, using individualized methods and techniques of hypnosis based on interpretation of test results and analysis of client’s problem. May train client in self-hypnosis conditioning’ p. 70.

“Mechanics of hypnosis. Based on research and clinical application, I have found that an effective way to explain hypnosis is to review the workings of the conscious and subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the rational aspect of the mind, and is responsible for sanctioning behavior. It will not allow a person to adopt a new behavior unless it is consistent with that person’s frame of reference (i.e., attitudes accumulated from birth through adulthood). For example, the conscious mind will not sanction somebody biting an onion and eating it as if it were an apple. With hypnosis however, the conscious mind can be subdued, thereby rendering the subconscious amenable to the suggestion that ‘the onion is really an apple.’ The subconscious registers this suggestion and accepts the apple concept as the dominant message. The initial reality of the onion is subordinated as a less significant memory, and the subconscious is reeducated. Utilizing hypnosis, the conscious mind, which is essentially a gatekeeper, is by-passed, providing access to the subconscious, which functions as a dependable workhorse that obeys instructions.”

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”College Major, What to Pick?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I read your column yesterday on helping kids with career choices. Thanks. My difficulty is how to guide my son to pick a major when he enters college this fall. He enjoys literature, good foreign films, and theater, but nothing grabs him to study as a major. His high school guidance counselor suggested majoring in what he enjoys, but I worry that “fun interests” may not lead to a positive career. How do I guide him?

Guessing

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Guessing:

To reiterate my response in yesterday’s column, in my opinion children should be exposed at a young age to areas of study that can ultimately lead to earning a good living.

With that in mind, it may be a little late to counsel a directionless high school graduate, but it is not too late for such an individual to find his direction. A good college counselor could be useful and let’s hope that your son studies hard and that his undergraduate experiences will give him some idea of what to do for a career.

I recall a relevant part of an article on this topic in the Notre Dame Magazine, Winter 1986-87, where author James Burtchaell, C.S.C. writes that “More than two out of every three undergraduates at this University change majors between the time they are accepted and the time they graduate. A good number change two or three times. Any decision that has so many students second-guessing must be tricky and it is [can be].”

”Spitting, What to Do About It?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I have been dating a guy for a few months and we like each other. Here’s the problem: when we are out in public, say crossing the street, he spits on the ground to clear his throat and it grosses me out. I don’t think it’s right to correct another adult’s behavior, but it bothers me. Suggestions?

Grossed out

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Grossed out:

Wow, if this guy spits on the sidewalk and has no consideration for your presence or for others who use the sidewalk and may step in it, I can only imagine what his manners are like in a restaurant or at home. I find myself wondering why someone would date a person who demonstrates such a lack of manners or consideration for others.

Would you believe that in a recent Oklahoma case a man received a life imprisonment term for spitting on a police officer? For more information, visit https://www.news-star.com/stories/051803/New_57.shtml

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

”’Email your questions to mailto:DrGelbSays@hawaiireporter.com More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”’ https://www.DrGelbSays.com

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”College Major, What to Pick?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I read your column yesterday on helping kids with career choices. Thanks. My difficulty is how to guide my son to pick a major when he enters college this fall. He enjoys literature, good foreign films, and theater, but nothing grabs him to study as a major. His high school guidance counselor suggested majoring in what he enjoys, but I worry that “fun interests” may not lead to a positive career. How do I guide him?

Guessing

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Guessing:

To reiterate my response in yesterday’s column, in my opinion children should be exposed at a young age to areas of study that can ultimately lead to earning a good living.

With that in mind, it may be a little late to counsel a directionless high school graduate, but it is not too late for such an individual to find his direction. A good college counselor could be useful and let’s hope that your son studies hard and that his undergraduate experiences will give him some idea of what to do for a career.

I recall a relevant part of an article on this topic in the Notre Dame Magazine, Winter 1986-87, where author James Burtchaell, C.S.C. writes that “More than two out of every three undergraduates at this University change majors between the time they are accepted and the time they graduate. A good number change two or three times. Any decision that has so many students second-guessing must be tricky and it is [can be].”

”Spitting, What to Do About It?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I have been dating a guy for a few months and we like each other. Here’s the problem: when we are out in public, say crossing the street, he spits on the ground to clear his throat and it grosses me out. I don’t think it’s right to correct another adult’s behavior, but it bothers me. Suggestions?

Grossed out

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Grossed out:

Wow, if this guy spits on the sidewalk and has no consideration for your presence or for others who use the sidewalk and may step in it, I can only imagine what his manners are like in a restaurant or at home. I find myself wondering why someone would date a person who demonstrates such a lack of manners or consideration for others.

Would you believe that in a recent Oklahoma case a man received a life imprisonment term for spitting on a police officer? For more information, visit https://www.news-star.com/stories/051803/New_57.shtml

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

”’Email your questions to mailto:DrGelbSays@hawaiireporter.com More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”’ https://www.DrGelbSays.com

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”Tools for Independence, How to Guide Children?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

My 15-year-old is clueless what he wants do be when he grows up. At his school they talk about this a bit, asking the kids what they think they will study in college. My son plays sports and did drama for a while but no longer wants to act. How do I guide him into things that can give him life direction so that when he grows up he will be able to make a living and not be dependent on his father and me, or the state?

Seeking Direction

Dear Direction:

I believe that it is so important to introduce children at a young age to the humanities and sciences and to encourage their interest and involvement in these areas (e.g., literature, history, math, engineering, medical fields, health sciences, law). There is nothing wrong with engaging in areas such as sports, music or painting, for example, but let’s face it, only a few make it to fame in a field such as sports. Therefore it is important to expose children to avenues of learning, which could develop into careers from which they can earn a living.

Equally important is that parents do not pick their children’s career. Rather, they merely expose them to it. As one adult said, “My parents shoved down my throat that they wanted me to be a lawyer when I grew up. So I rebelled and didn’t even go to college.” Similarly, it would be counterproductive for a parent to say to a child, “you are going to become a doctor.” Instead, the parent might say, “I am going to expose you to numerous fields from which you could earn a living, but you choose one. Here are some documentaries that I want you to watch and see what appeals to you.” Children have a tendency to be attracted to some of these sciences if they are exposed to them and if they then become involved (e.g., one high school student was inspired to become a botanist as a result of field trips he took with his class to green houses. He become fascinated and intrigued about how things grow and fortunately his parents encouraged this curiosity and his desire to explore this area of science).

Role models are another powerful influence over children and their choices. Parents, teachers, and neighbors for example should exemplify by their lifestyle, positive options that children can emulate. The power of association should not be underestimated.

Round table family discussions should also be held to address how the children are going to survive in the world when they grow up. Parents must be aware of their children’s interests and curiosities and positively direct their focus by, for example, what they talk about at the round table. Even discussions about planning family vacations can be centered on nurturing children’s interests and curiosities.

Children must be given responsibilities at home (e.g., washing dishes, mowing the lawn) so that they can learn important life skills such as being accountable, practicing self-discipline, and being a team player. They must learn to share the family responsibilities without expecting something back in return (e.g., payment, a reward). One benefit of this type of responsibility is exemplified in a statement made by a 16-year-old — “I want to become independent, I want to get out on my own and be free of depending on Mom and Dad at home.” As long as children are required to responsibly participate as part of the family, they are likely to be inspired to want to become independent.

One 16-year-old’s parents were lax with discipline and didn’t require that their son contribute to the household, until it got to the point that they had to have a serious discussion with him about the need for him to plan for the future and earnestly consider how to become more independent and responsible “When Dad and Mom are gone,” said the mother to her son, “we are not going to leave you a fortune. We have allowed your life to be very easy and as far as I’m concerned you have been spoiled. We may not be able to leave you the family business.”

So many children nowadays are given little or no responsibility for contributing to the household and family life and if they do happen to extend themselves (e.g., wash dishes), they usually expect some favor in return. Many have not been coached or prepared for adulthood (e.g., there are no round table discussions to address questions such as “what are you going to do when you leave home?; how are you going to support your family if you choose to have one?”). Nowadays it is typical for many children to take the easy way out of education. They put minimal effort into their studies, graduate from high school with poor academic skills and are ill-equipped to meet the challenges of our competitive world.

So, on this eve of July 4 when 227 years ago our great country gained its independence, it is with great sadness that I note the misdirected youth in our society and their many dependencies, be they gangs, drugs, alcohol or even welfare. I urge all parents and caregivers to apply the needed firm, fair, consistent discipline and unconditional love to equip our youth to develop into self-respecting adults and who can independently rely on their own skills and resources to contribute to our world.

Happy Birthday America.

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”Tools for Independence, How to Guide Children?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

My 15-year-old is clueless what he wants do be when he grows up. At his school they talk about this a bit, asking the kids what they think they will study in college. My son plays sports and did drama for a while but no longer wants to act. How do I guide him into things that can give him life direction so that when he grows up he will be able to make a living and not be dependent on his father and me, or the state?

Seeking Direction

Dear Direction:

I believe that it is so important to introduce children at a young age to the humanities and sciences and to encourage their interest and involvement in these areas (e.g., literature, history, math, engineering, medical fields, health sciences, law). There is nothing wrong with engaging in areas such as sports, music or painting, for example, but let’s face it, only a few make it to fame in a field such as sports. Therefore it is important to expose children to avenues of learning, which could develop into careers from which they can earn a living.

Equally important is that parents do not pick their children’s career. Rather, they merely expose them to it. As one adult said, “My parents shoved down my throat that they wanted me to be a lawyer when I grew up. So I rebelled and didn’t even go to college.” Similarly, it would be counterproductive for a parent to say to a child, “you are going to become a doctor.” Instead, the parent might say, “I am going to expose you to numerous fields from which you could earn a living, but you choose one. Here are some documentaries that I want you to watch and see what appeals to you.” Children have a tendency to be attracted to some of these sciences if they are exposed to them and if they then become involved (e.g., one high school student was inspired to become a botanist as a result of field trips he took with his class to green houses. He become fascinated and intrigued about how things grow and fortunately his parents encouraged this curiosity and his desire to explore this area of science).

Role models are another powerful influence over children and their choices. Parents, teachers, and neighbors for example should exemplify by their lifestyle, positive options that children can emulate. The power of association should not be underestimated.

Round table family discussions should also be held to address how the children are going to survive in the world when they grow up. Parents must be aware of their children’s interests and curiosities and positively direct their focus by, for example, what they talk about at the round table. Even discussions about planning family vacations can be centered on nurturing children’s interests and curiosities.

Children must be given responsibilities at home (e.g., washing dishes, mowing the lawn) so that they can learn important life skills such as being accountable, practicing self-discipline, and being a team player. They must learn to share the family responsibilities without expecting something back in return (e.g., payment, a reward). One benefit of this type of responsibility is exemplified in a statement made by a 16-year-old — “I want to become independent, I want to get out on my own and be free of depending on Mom and Dad at home.” As long as children are required to responsibly participate as part of the family, they are likely to be inspired to want to become independent.

One 16-year-old’s parents were lax with discipline and didn’t require that their son contribute to the household, until it got to the point that they had to have a serious discussion with him about the need for him to plan for the future and earnestly consider how to become more independent and responsible “When Dad and Mom are gone,” said the mother to her son, “we are not going to leave you a fortune. We have allowed your life to be very easy and as far as I’m concerned you have been spoiled. We may not be able to leave you the family business.”

So many children nowadays are given little or no responsibility for contributing to the household and family life and if they do happen to extend themselves (e.g., wash dishes), they usually expect some favor in return. Many have not been coached or prepared for adulthood (e.g., there are no round table discussions to address questions such as “what are you going to do when you leave home?; how are you going to support your family if you choose to have one?”). Nowadays it is typical for many children to take the easy way out of education. They put minimal effort into their studies, graduate from high school with poor academic skills and are ill-equipped to meet the challenges of our competitive world.

So, on this eve of July 4 when 227 years ago our great country gained its independence, it is with great sadness that I note the misdirected youth in our society and their many dependencies, be they gangs, drugs, alcohol or even welfare. I urge all parents and caregivers to apply the needed firm, fair, consistent discipline and unconditional love to equip our youth to develop into self-respecting adults and who can independently rely on their own skills and resources to contribute to our world.

Happy Birthday America.

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”Smoking, Is Quitting Possible?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

About a month ago I quit smoking. The hardest times are when I am having a cup of coffee or reading the paper which I used to enjoy with a cigarette, and those are my weak moments. How can I get strong at those times?

Trying to Quit

Dear Trying:

Congratulations on such a positive move. Of course, always consult one’s trusted physician regarding issues that affect the physical body. From an emotional standpoint, in my opinion, a large part of trumping an addiction is about remembering who is in charge of one’s behavior and having the confidence that “I can say no.”

A typical downfall from an emotional perspective is that sometimes people who are trying to resolve an addiction tap into their own selfishness and don’t like to feel the discomfort of withdrawal. They consider that to be punishment and rebel against what they need to do (“It felt so good to have that cigarette with my coffee, I miss it and I don’t like that feeling!”). One former smoker expressed a possible solution saying that, “When I socialize with my smoking friends, I long for one of their cigarettes, but I don’t give in to the craving, I just accept it. What helps me is the idea that I am not a non-smoker. Rather, I am a smoker who doesn’t smoke.”

”Hypnosis, Can It Work?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I’m thinking about hypnosis for weight loss and improving my self image. Can it work?

Curious, but cautious

Dear Curious:

I believe that for the most part habits can be broken because they are primarily learned, having developed from behaviors people teach themselves. In the case of overeating, one explanation is that the overeater has taught his or her body to want certain foods. With that teaching in place, once the subconscious wants it, it tends to remind the person. In that sense it can be said that the mind controls the body.

Effective hypnosis can reprogram the subconscious to replace a habit such as overeating with another behavior. In other words, generally speaking the subconscious is likely to give up the undesirable behavior and replace it with something else that is suggested to it. This, combined with self-discipline, is likely to make it easier for a person to say “No” to the undesired behavior, thereby diminishing the habit. What many then find is that the craving for the item from which they are trying to wean themselves is now diminished. In fact, they can then go for hours and even days without even thinking about it.

A cautionary note however, is that some people use hypnosis to camouflage problems. In my opinion, this is not therapeutic. For example if someone is trying to resolve an issue that has emotional trauma attached to it (e.g., overeating while studying for an exam to ease test anxiety due to fear of failure conditioned during childhood), then hypnosis can offer a band-aid type of solution as it conditions the mind to change a behavior (e.g., no excessive eating while studying). However, if attention is needed to the emotions (e.g., deeply ingrained fear of exam failure), then psychotherapy could be the better choice with its ability to uncover the emotional component of a problem. I believe that the emotional component can impact how the body behaves. Some people have tried to resolve all their problems with hypnosis, thinking that it was a cure for everything. However, in some instances they let go of one habit (e.g., overeating) and substituted it with another (e.g., smoking). This pattern can persist until the emotional trauma that created a particular habit is resolved.

Of course, always consult one’s trusted physician regarding issues that affect the physical body, and make sure that any hypnotherapist one selects is properly trained and credentialed.

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

”’Email your questions to mailto:DrGelbSays@hawaiireporter.com More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”’ https://www.DrGelbSays.com

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”Smoking, Is Quitting Possible?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

About a month ago I quit smoking. The hardest times are when I am having a cup of coffee or reading the paper which I used to enjoy with a cigarette, and those are my weak moments. How can I get strong at those times?

Trying to Quit

Dear Trying:

Congratulations on such a positive move. Of course, always consult one’s trusted physician regarding issues that affect the physical body. From an emotional standpoint, in my opinion, a large part of trumping an addiction is about remembering who is in charge of one’s behavior and having the confidence that “I can say no.”

A typical downfall from an emotional perspective is that sometimes people who are trying to resolve an addiction tap into their own selfishness and don’t like to feel the discomfort of withdrawal. They consider that to be punishment and rebel against what they need to do (“It felt so good to have that cigarette with my coffee, I miss it and I don’t like that feeling!”). One former smoker expressed a possible solution saying that, “When I socialize with my smoking friends, I long for one of their cigarettes, but I don’t give in to the craving, I just accept it. What helps me is the idea that I am not a non-smoker. Rather, I am a smoker who doesn’t smoke.”

”Hypnosis, Can It Work?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I’m thinking about hypnosis for weight loss and improving my self image. Can it work?

Curious, but cautious

Dear Curious:

I believe that for the most part habits can be broken because they are primarily learned, having developed from behaviors people teach themselves. In the case of overeating, one explanation is that the overeater has taught his or her body to want certain foods. With that teaching in place, once the subconscious wants it, it tends to remind the person. In that sense it can be said that the mind controls the body.

Effective hypnosis can reprogram the subconscious to replace a habit such as overeating with another behavior. In other words, generally speaking the subconscious is likely to give up the undesirable behavior and replace it with something else that is suggested to it. This, combined with self-discipline, is likely to make it easier for a person to say “No” to the undesired behavior, thereby diminishing the habit. What many then find is that the craving for the item from which they are trying to wean themselves is now diminished. In fact, they can then go for hours and even days without even thinking about it.

A cautionary note however, is that some people use hypnosis to camouflage problems. In my opinion, this is not therapeutic. For example if someone is trying to resolve an issue that has emotional trauma attached to it (e.g., overeating while studying for an exam to ease test anxiety due to fear of failure conditioned during childhood), then hypnosis can offer a band-aid type of solution as it conditions the mind to change a behavior (e.g., no excessive eating while studying). However, if attention is needed to the emotions (e.g., deeply ingrained fear of exam failure), then psychotherapy could be the better choice with its ability to uncover the emotional component of a problem. I believe that the emotional component can impact how the body behaves. Some people have tried to resolve all their problems with hypnosis, thinking that it was a cure for everything. However, in some instances they let go of one habit (e.g., overeating) and substituted it with another (e.g., smoking). This pattern can persist until the emotional trauma that created a particular habit is resolved.

Of course, always consult one’s trusted physician regarding issues that affect the physical body, and make sure that any hypnotherapist one selects is properly trained and credentialed.

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

”’Email your questions to mailto:DrGelbSays@hawaiireporter.com More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”’ https://www.DrGelbSays.com

“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”Emotions and Sex, Do They Mix?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

My husband and I enjoy our sex life, but when I’m upset or have lots going on I don’t want to have sex. It’s not that I’m tired, but when I feel emotional sex is not appealing. Is this normal?

Emotional

Dear Emotional:

I teach that sex is a physical experience and if the body is healthy it usually will respond to touch. However if one is upset then this can interfere with physical pleasure. Where appropriate, it may be necessary to evaluate whether disappointment or anger toward one’s mate may be interfering with one’s physical hunger.

Also important to bear in mind is that when one is engrossed in some mental activity that requires concentration, then being touched can interrupt the thought process. Then it would be understandable if sexual pleasure were not a priority. Additionally, some people who experience emotional turmoil become so preoccupied with their strong emotions that they have difficulty letting go of the preoccupation sufficiently to give themselves permission to engage in physical pleasure. This is unfortunate because a positive physical experience could offer some healing and relief.

In my opinion, these two components of the personality (mental, emotional) deserve consideration when there is a diminished desire for the nurturing effect of physical pleasure.

”Spontaneity and Sex, How to Keep the Flow?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

My partner always showers before we are intimate and this interrupts the spontaneity. I believe in hygiene, but she goes overboard. What is the best way to address this?

Spontaneous

Dear Spontaneous:

It is important not to allow hormones to dictate the parameters of intimacy. As one woman put it, “my husband is an on and off type of person. When he is aroused, he thinks he has to satisfy that arousal right away. One time he told me that, ‘if we don’t do it now, I’m gonna lose my erection.’ That made me feel horrible.”

Foreplay can comprise a large percentage of the intimacy aspect of an experience and even if one’s partner may be somewhat obsessive, whether that be about hygiene, attire, or even wanting to create a certain atmosphere, this need not interfere with sharing each others’ body. In fact, specifically regarding the hygiene issue, if either partner has thoughts about whether their body is presentable, this could interfere with the pleasure of intimacy.

In my opinion, couples who just kick back and let the physical experience happen are more likely to enjoy each other’s bodies, providing, to use the hygiene example, that their bodies are clean.

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

”’Email your questions to mailto:DrGelbSays@hawaiireporter.com More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”’ https://www.DrGelbSays.com