From Getting the Facts to Dealing With Grief

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“Suzanne Gelb Image”

”Deceived — Will My Flowers Grow?”


Dear Dr. Gelb:

I just love flowers and I bought this beautiful plant and I was guaranteed that it would grow under those grow lights. But somebody told me that those lights are not healthy for you if you are in the room with them very long. I feel deceived.


A: Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Deceived:

I can appreciate the disappointment. In terms of the health aspects of those types of lights, it might be useful to contact the supplier or the issuer of the guarantee to find out more about the health-related issues you are questioning. Those people who enjoy surfing the Internet would probably try to handle a problem such as you describe by researching the topic on the web. I know of one person who recently wanted to research a health-related issue, and on her computer there is a little menu on the left hand side with all kinds of options to click on, one of them being “Health.” If you have access to a computer, you might consider a similar research approach. I imagine you could find quite a bit of information about light rays, fluorescent, gamma, infrared and all those fascinating topics that I know little about, and that could probably be quite informative.

”Heartache — Does Crying Hurt?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

I have had my share of pain in my life, both physical and emotional. However, why do people say that when they lose a loved one or divorce, that they have a “heartache.” Does the heart really ache?


A: Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Heartache:

The concept of “heartache” is one that many people tend to associate with the grieving process. In my opinion, the hurt that can be felt when losing a loved one is an emotional experience. Grief is required to deal with loss, and crying is the natural process for expressing grief. If a person cries openly and freely, he or she is not likely to feel the pressure that is sometimes experienced when grief is suppressed. This typically occurs when a person whimpers or chokes back tears, rather than freely expressing them.

You may have heard the expression, “I’m just choked up with grief, my heart is killing me.” I believe that in such instances, if people would permit themselves to cry openly and relieve the emotion, they are more likely experience a sense of relief, rather than pain.

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

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