From Getting What You Order to Ignoring Bad Manners

article top

Suzanne Gelb Image ‘Seething Inside — How Can I Better Handle Dissatisfaction?’ Q: Dear Dr. Gelb: Quite frequently when I am in the restaurant and order breakfast and I ask for my eggs over medium and they come back mutilated with lace around the edges, I go ahead and eat them, but what I really want to do is shove them in somebody’s face. Hopeless At The Restaurant A: Dr. Gelb says . . . Dear Hopeless: It is perfectly appropriate to bring to a waiter or waitress’s attention the fact that the food one received does not conform to the original order. Most restaurants are more than willing to correct a patron’s order without charge, and many even offer the meal for free to compensate for errors. However, a lot of people feel uncomfortable about expressing their dissatisfaction about mistakes made by an establishment. They would rather tolerate or endure any discontentment. A healthier approach would be for such individuals to consider strengthening their sense of authority so that they can be more aggressive when it comes to meeting their needs. As one person who took such action with his personal growth put it, “It’s a good thing I resolved my passivity because I think I was heading for an ulcer with all the seething that was going on inside me about other people’s mistakes.” ‘Bad Manners in Public — Why Does This Nauseate Me?’ Q: Dear Dr. Gelb: I am sitting in a restaurant, just received my order from the brunch menu and my very most favorite is eggs benedict. Just as I am about to take a bite of my delicious benedict somebody across the way blows his nose and I hear the awful sound of mucous streaming from his face. That ends my breakfast, I have to push it away because I am so nauseated by this behavior in a public restaurant. Sick Again A: Dr. Gelb says . . . Dear Sick Again: I certainly understand your response. Fortunately, my nerves are no longer that sensitive. I believe that because of the gross absence in manners and consideration for others that is unfortunately all too prevalent in today’s society, it has become necessary to develop an iron stomach to endure vulgarities such as you describe. This process has been identified as selective responsiveness, whereby one develops the ability to “tune out” or “ignore” certain aspects of our experience. ”Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.” ”This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see” “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says” ”Email your questions to More information on Dr. Gelb’s services and related resources available at”