Atomic Monkey – Banking On Voter Apathy

Members of the State Bank Legislative Task Force at the Capitol Building.
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Members of the State Bank Legislative Task Force at the Capitol Building.

Several members of the Hawaii’s House of Representatives have begun actively promoting a new bill to establish a State Bank.

“It would be much more efficient if the taxpayer’s money never left our hands,” suggested Representative Sam Hee.


It was Rep. Hee and Rep. Larry Haw who co-authored the proposed legislation, now known as a the Hee Haw Bill.

“Hawaii missed out on its share of the bank bailout money by not taking advantage of its special relationship with the Obama administration,” said Rep. Haw. “I can say there was more than a little envy going on around here when those investment bankers were cashing in. We just didn’t have the mechanism in place to get at those tax dollars.”

“We could have written up bogus mortgages as well as anyone else,” added Haw.

Rep. Hee added, “With Governor Abercrombie appointing the Board of Directors for the new State Bank, its integrity would be beyond reproach.”

The governor will select the new board from a list of names submitted by a special advisory board appointed by the Chairman of the Democratic Party of Hawaii.

The idea of a State run bank has been discussed for years, but now appears to be moving toward reality. State legislators promise new efficiencies will be created by having tax collections go right into the new State Bank located in the basement of the capital building.

“Just imagine the improvements in transparency and constituent service with money readily available to all the Democrat legislators 24/7, without the need of all that time consuming paperwork required by commercial banks,” said Rep. Hee.

According to the State’s new IT tzar Habin Agoudtime and his deputy Vishin U Warhere, the legislators current identification cards will work in the new State Bank’s capitol ATM’s. Their state salaries will be combined with lines of credit, loans and CIP budget allocations for their districts. By having this simplified system, without messy categories and accountability the disbursement of funds will be dramatically speeded up according to the IT administrators.

The amendment allowing access to State Bank funds by Republicans was held in committee. The other amendment granting zero interest signature loans for re-election campaigns passed unopposed, as did the Rod Tam Memorial Snack Stipend.

The Hee Haw Bill, authorizing the formation of the State Bank is expected to be passed by the full House sometime next month.