Mayor Carlisle Starts Drive For ABC Gum

Gloria Garvey
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Gloria Garvey

BY GLORIA GARVEY – “Now that we have got our rush to rail underway,” said a source close to Mayor Carlisle, “We are going to start a new program called “Believe it or Not, There is Still Hope For Honolulu.”  According to the source, the Mayor’s first project under the program will enroll the citizenry to bring its ABC (already been chewed) gum to Honolulu Hale every Friday for donation to the ‘fill our potholes’ campaign.

“We got the idea from Prevedouros,” said the source, noting that the idea approximates the Professor’s ideas about using old tires to fill potholes.  This will be another first for the city and county of Honolulu, as well as a way to encourage recycling.  If the program is successful, the city will distribute special colorful garbage cans marked “We know our ABC’s!”   Pickups will be every day in areas of the island known for gum chewing.  Recycling barrels  will be placed outside Aloha Stadium, Neil Blaisdell Center, Les Murakami Stadium and Stan Sheriff Centers.


Specially outfitted “Gum Chicks” (wearing the same colorful design) will be posted inside buildings and event centers, and citizens still chewing their gum will be encouraged to spit it into the “Gum Chicks'” open palms.  Noting sanitary concerns, the source said that “Gum Chicks” will be wearing standard yellow oven cleaning gloves, and that the possibilities for sponsorship from E-Z OFF, Windex, Tile-X and companies like them are “endless.”

“We hope to have a “Gum Chicks” annual calendar that we believe will raise enough dough to purchase the necessary tar to cover the ABC gum once it is deposited in the potholes,” said the source.  “This will be an effort that will bring everyone in Honolulu and outlying areas together.”

The Mayor will be submitting a bill to the City Council requiring gum to be sold at Honolulu International Airport once again, in order to involve the visitors in what will no doubt be one of the most popular projects every to be launched from City Hall.  Again, opportunities for sponsorship are being explored with Wrigley’s, Freedent and other gum sellers.  “Compared to rail, this no-cost-to-the-City program should be a big hit,” noted the source.





  1. In related news, a press conference was hastily-called to announce a companion website to BeNiceBen: BeNiceGloria. The subsequent petition demands a subservient bow and apology for “mental pain and suffering, the gnashing of teeth and extreme “make A” ridicule.

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