Sexual Attitudes and Drives

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”Sexual Attitudes, How to Reconcile?”


Dear Dr. Gelb:

I like to cuddle with my husband but he doesn’t like that “touchy feely” stuff, as he calls it. He likes intercourse more than I do and complains that I am not into it like he is. I want more snuggling, he wants more intercourse, but we don’t meet each other half way with our differing approaches to sex. Suggestions?


Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Different:

I do not consider the natural sex drive itself as something that innately differs from person to person. I believe that everyone has a sex drive and a natural hunger for the experience. Enjoying the experience, however, is a learned behavior and those who only want it their way are ignorant or quite selfish and self-centered, having no desire for the experience to be mutual.

Healthy sexual relationships include consideration about whether one’s mate is receiving pleasure from the experience. Some people who have found this type of consideration to be absent, have been pleased with their choice to seek sex therapy from a qualified professional.

”New Parents, Where Did the Sex Drive Go?”

Dear Dr. Gelb:

My husband and I just had a baby. We love being new parents, but we are so busy being mom and dad that our sex life is practically non-existent. I am not sure if we have lost interest, or it is just a time factor because the baby takes up so much time, allowing us little sleep and we’re tired a lot. Is this abstinence normal with a newborn? New Parent

Dr. Gelb says . . .

Dear Parent:

The type of behavior you describe is not uncommon among new parents, and is often in my opinion, due to a misplacement of priorities regarding self-maintenance. It is not necessarily that anything is happening to the sex drive.

There are many factors that may cause parents to become less interested in the physical experience and they are too numerous to explain or share in a question and answer format. Some new parents have found counseling by a qualified professional to be helpful with learning the art of prioritizing their time so that they can share such a wonderful and needed pleasure.

”’Suzanne J. Gelb, Ph.D., J.D. authors this daily column, Dr. Gelb Says, which answers questions about daily living and behavior issues. Dr. Gelb is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Honolulu. She holds a Ph.D. in Psychology and a Ph.D. in Human Services. Dr. Gelb is also a published author of a book on Overcoming Addictions and a book on Relationships.”’

”’This column is intended for entertainment use only and is not intended for the purpose of psychological diagnosis, treatment or personalized advice. For more about the column’s purpose, see”’ “An Online Intro to Dr. Gelb Says”

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